I’m turning a new leaf! I’m vowing to eat right, do some actual exercise, maybe participate again in this concept known as dating, and kick my life back into gear. I’m doing all of it! Starting Monday…
I see you rolling your eyes at me. I know taking a so-called last hooray kind of weekend is technically pointless. “Hey, I want to lose 20 pounds, so let me gain 5 right before I start!” But dammit if I’m not going to sneak in one last milkshake or pizza. But not a whole pizza! I only want to lose 20 pounds. If I’ve been eating whole pizzas by myself, that number would probably be higher. Anyway, back to the leaf that will be turned on Monday! Monday is Day 1 of changing my not so rom-com life. Of course, I don’t know if that means Sunday is Day 0 or Negative 1? Or is Monday Day 0, like a blast off when you’re counting down to a launch? Hmm. Numbers.
I tend to stay away from numbers if I can. I got an A+ in Calculus 2 while in college, but now I just don’t math. It never seemed useful, not when you have a calculator on your phone handy. You know, the phone that never leaves your side because we’ve become obsessed with being connected at all hours. Plus I’m still playing Candy Crush, Angry Birds and Bejeweled Blitz like it’s 2013. All that to say I’ve become a woman who can figure out how to edit CSS coding, but refuses to do simple arithmetic. Though now I’m wondering if I had paid more attention to numbers, would my life have gotten so seemingly derailed?
I’m 33 years old (a doomed spinster by my family’s standards), 20+ pounds overweight (thereby rendering 3/4 of my closet irrelevant), $30,000+ in debt (when interest rates and minimum payments conspire to throw you into the pit of despair), and in possession of 0 full-time jobs. And I feel like it all happened when I just wasn’t paying attention. I was so excited to turn 30. I remember thinking, “This is it! This is MY time to shine.” I had always been that nerdy, shy girl who was a late bloomer. Remember the movie She’s All That? I WAS Laney. – right down to the big glasses, ill-fitting overalls, nose buried in books, head stuck in artsy clouds. Except I didn’t have a Freddie Prinze Jr. I graduated high school with nary a makeover, definitely no prom queen nomination, and having Never Been Kissed. That first kiss happened almost a year after graduation, and the most romantic thing I can say about it is that music was playing…But it was NIN’s Closer, the chorus being, “I want to *bleep* you like an animal.” So sweet, right?
So yeah, I thought my early 30s was going to herald in a new shiny version of me – a confident, strong, ambitious woman who isn’t scared to talk to men she finds attractive. Cut to three years later, and I still get tongue-tied around gorgeous men (and in Los Angeles, they’re ALMOST everywhere!). Not to mention the fact that I’ve essentially just stopped trying. The last year has seen me date a man who my friends say is either gay or aggressively religious. Um…ok. I started a friends with benefits relationship with someone 3000 miles away, because that’s convenient. The last man I found remotely decent and exciting to get to know, prefers girls 10 years younger and 40 pounds lighter than me. Sure, why not? Stupid numbers.
The weight crept up on me too. At first, I chalked it up to PMS bloating or having a desk job. When I realized I was stress eating anytime I was feeling down, I figured it was a just a few extra pounds I could easily lose. But then I got stressed again, and never lost the few extra to begin with. I started wearing more dresses because it was easier than jeans, but then my “fat jeans” (the ones you wear on your PMS bloating days) started feeling tighter. All of a sudden, it’s summer 2014 and the shorts I used to have to belt barely gets over my thighs. What. The. Hell. I’m already shy when it comes to talking to guys, now I have to deal with the added pressure of feeling insecure in my naked body? The ONLY silver lining is that my boobs are a nice size now, a benefit of the weight gain. Too bad I’m not going to let anyone see them anytime soon.
Credit card debt. Some of it I blame on poor decision making when I was younger. Some of it I blame on high interest rates that made it impossible to pay down. And the last of it I blame on never making enough money to make a dent in the debt. I work in the entertainment industry, and it’s mostly been in the area of the business that’s project-based. So when I’m in between gigs, I’m on unemployment. And you don’t have to be good at math to know that unemployment funds don’t stretch all that far. That’s where I’m at right now actually. Most people who know me would say I was overqualified for my last job….most people, except my former boss. There’s something exquisitely painful in losing a job because someone thinks you don’t have enough experience. But then you’re told you’re overqualified at your very first interview for basically a similar position.
It’s moments like these that make me feel like I’m living a rom-com, minus the rom. I’m Bridget Jones, without the accent or cigarettes. I’m Working Girl before she meets Harrison Ford and gets a better wardrobe. I’m Sally without a Harry. Now I have seen enough of these movies, and read enough of the romance novels and chick lit books to remain optimistic. Maybe I’m still just at the beginning of my movie. Fingers crossed. Cause I can’t turn into a cat lady. I’m allergic to all things fur.
So come Monday, the leaf turns, the movie begins, the prologue is over. Because I will be proactively:
- Eating healthy on a budget, or lack thereof.
- Attempting to exercise…this will be baby steps. Maybe I’ll start with the diet portion first.
- Holding out for a job that’s more permanent and fulfilling.
- Thinking about joining an online dating service, but not sure if I have the funds.
- Figuring out if I can save money and still keep my Netflix (it is work-related, after all)
With love,
Sleepless in LA
My Not So Rom-Com Life 